Schizophrenic this morning got me thinking

Reading about schizophrenic this morning got me to think about the many times I have banged my head and went unconscious. What really scares me now is that I flashed back when I was in the 10th grade and 9th grade when I have snorted ajax for some reason

Why did I do it?  I think it was based on low self-esteem and looking for attention during this critical teen development.

Why am I thinking about this stuff?

Well for a couple of reasons, first the last two chapters in our psychophysiology book will touch upon disorders in the brain. Going through these chapters will be very difficult for me to not take things personally like I do when I learn about art history.

Second, I am currently on a path towards fixing myself by going to professional doctors who can supply me with answers.

Scaring me the most is that I’m moving in a Western direction where almost everything is treated by medicine. Whether it works or not is not the problem, the problem is that for me almost all my life I have relied on my faith or healing powers which helped me overcome many, many, many obstacles and problems. Gliding through this direction kind of makes me feel that I’m giving up hope or losing my faith in some way.

However, since this is new material and new experiences much like college classrooms scenarios, flowing through this process is kind of weary.

et, a deeper part of me is saying John, this is your prayers being answered since I’m not accustomed to medicine may be the obvious reason for this awkwardness, yet it is foolish of me to discard it, it is not common sense.


If I have a headache I know where the points are on my body to rid myself of this inflammation, inside and out.

I saw burns on my hands from a 400-degree grill disappear waking up next morning.

Warts on my hands vanish and many unknown objects on and under my skin go away.

I have personally 100% trained myself at one time to rid myself of a deadly disease.

But all the while I have not considered me having the mental illness.

May this have been the reason for me entering college? Only time will tell. In the meantime, this new development allows me to square off face to face with my faith.

Lately, I have been saying stuff about college and questioning why I’m in this direction, although I have planned to take the summer off because I felt I was getting tired and low on positive energy there is always a reason why we as the human being in a particular situation.

It can’t be because of a degree I already have one, and I can easily go higher if I wanted to. But there is something of an old fashion way of thought that comes to mind. It’s an attitude of a previous generation which used to believe of starting from the bottom and working one's way up. Although many people have proved this sort of attitude wrong there is some very valuable stuff one can learn from climbing up the ladder of one's success or in better terms, paying one's dues.

Many moons ago I used to fantasize sitting on a beach on a lounging chair educating myself with all kind of books. Many times I have fulfilled this fantasy, but this time it’s much more than that. It’s more than money, its more than having friends, it's more than being popular with girls and so on.

So what is it? I don’t know, I just know I’m in the right place and time.

I have a friend or I think he’s a friend because these days everyone is out for something so I really don’t know how good of a friend he is. This friend per say has practically been in college all his life - may be his health condition allows him to, but I see what education has done for him and any person in their right mind would want what session after session can do for a person, character in their own respect.

My nephew who graduated from Damien the same year or so from students I share subjects together within art history is one of the only people besides myself in our family who attends college. Although I have recently learned that one of my cousin’s daughter attends KCC as well but I have never met her yet, I hope she wasn’t the one I dated, Nah just joking, I’m too old already for that stuff…..

Well, I’m must continue this later since my book is calling me to place my eyes balls and fingers and run them through each of its pages.      

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